Slack, again.

Thanks Hope.

We've been incredibly slack... again. I've been busy with studying for exams and work and Melanie's been busy with more hours as her manager's away and she's the assistant. We went for a short walk last night and that helped, especially after I was in a horrible mood all day. I feel like I'm going backwards. I'm not eating poorly, but I feel like I'm gaining and too afraid to look. My exams will soon be over, but it's nearing Christmas time and working in retail Melanie's hours will go up and so will mine (I'll be doing Santa Photos for the season) as well as my kindy job. It'll be harder to squeeze in a decent workout as often as we'd like to (in normal conditions). I'm not feeling very optimistic about much weight loss right now and that sucks because summer's coming. Most of my clothes from last year I can't fit into right now. There was no point in taking pictures, there wouldn't have been any loss.

Just feeling very stressed over school and everything and not losing, and not getting any exercise on a regular basis right now is making me feel crappy.

I think that's it for now. I really don't know what more to say.

Pics and Honesty

So the wedding on Saturday was AMAZING! It was such a beautiful Wedding , I admit...I cried a few tears. It was so sweet!! I'm not usually one to cry at weddings, But it was such a lovely day. And the Bride was stunning! Anyway, as promised some Photos. The dress was so pretty!! It seemed my boobage issues were slightly less. They have started to slink away a touch. And I ended up at the hairdresser to have my hair done. ( which was pretty but $$$ and it almost didn't last the night)

Hubs and I ( and the dress).

Some New make-up Ideas I tried out.

So now for some honesty. The Look on my face in the first photo...Was a little bit of self disgust. I admit it. I was feeling good, the dress was so pretty! And then I seen the Photo before this one and I was sad.  The picture in my head didn't match the picture that was taken. I hate..Yes, I know that is a strong word but in this case it's very applicable....HATE my arms...so flabby, and my face is a lot fuller then I like. And I Know that this is because I have gained weight  (I know I am working to get it off again) . But it was a little bit of a kick in the pants. The scales have been kinda yo-yo like with me this last week or two and it was kinda getting me down.  ( Thought I did wake up with a great loss on Sunday It apparently came Back today).  I know I am eating right and exercising...maybe not quiet enough to see the same kind of results as I did when I did this the first time. But enough to be seeing some results on the scales.  But now I'm just more determined to get this thing under control again.  And I Will.  I want to be fit and healthy again. I hate feeling like my weight holds me back. and I feel like it does. its not about being skinny. Its about being comfortable in my own skin and healthy. And I don't feel either right now. Healthier for sure.But not at my healthiest. But this also will be.


Anyway, Im on holidays from work for another week yet and I have so much to do around the house. So much I want to get done before the crazy season starts. I have noticed in the last two days now that I have been able to relax and unwind a bit, just how tired and run down I am feeling. Yesterday I slept till nearly 10 am ( which I NEVER do even after a late night) and I was so exhusted that by 3:30 pm I was in need of, and did have a nap in which I clean passed out. I then was up til my regular bedtime ( 10pm) and slept fairly solidly till 7 am this morning. And was In need of a nap again ( but didn't) today after being out with Sa and the kids all morning.  Being back at work pretty much full time (5-6 days a week) since March on top of all the other things in life( kids Etc)  has been great I do enjoy it but Im very glad for a break now.  I have so much stuff that i want to get done. But I plan to do a few things for me too.

Anyway, that is enough ramblings from me for now. Planning to hit the gym for a class after school( Yaya kids are back at school!!) run tomorrow morning. Looking forward to it.

Pissed

Sa is beyond pissed really. I gained a kilo and a half. That's a lot for the week and for everything I've been doing. I've not been overeating or eating crap. Feel like I might as well have been.
Yes, I've been working my muscles again more, but I'm not sore enough to warrant that much gain. Dinner probably contributed, but THAT much? I'm almost afraid to weigh on Wednesday. I've done more cardio in the past week than I have... probably ever in a week, and I end up gaining. It's enough to say why bother. Working your ass off and you gain.

Giving up

I'm having a hell of a time right now. Now that I've actually got a decent nights sleep and seem to be adjusting, my mind is running away with me. I'm having doubts I can do this. I'm confused about what I should and shouldn't be eating (besides the obvious), feeling like my workouts are jokes, hardly worth the time they take... and missing my Aussie family so much.
I feel like I'm alone. I know I'm not, but with the time difference, it makes it more difficult to connect with them and I don't feel like I can be online as much as I want to be.... AND the connection keeps dropping me, so even when I am on, sometimes it kicks me off. People I have here, are either unreliable-lost in their own worlds, busy with their own families and I don't want to bug them, or not here at the moment.

Had a breakdown tonight. Lack of confidence, and feeling like what I'm doing isn't enough. Watching my Dad eat TWO caramel nut candy bars and my mom cantaloupe and some kind of meat thing AFTER dinner. I don't remember the last time I ate anything other that a little frozen yogurt after dinner. Missing my Aussies as much as I do.... I told Melanie I quit. I couldn't do it. She won. She's tried to convince me I can do it and my workouts are good b/c Jillian kicks your ass. I'll keep plodding along, but I'm not so sure it'll do anything. All I have are the roads (and it doesn't help when it's raining) a mat, hand weights and an old treadmill. I'M NOT A RUNNER! I feel like walking isn't enough, and I try to run and don't get very far.

I cried, like, really cried for the first time tonight since I got here. Then I was trying to busy myself by watching Glee, and THAT made me cry too! Stupid long lost Mommy plot!

I don't know, maybe I'll feel better tomorrow, I'm hoping I don't keep sliding downhill, I need something else. A Job would be good. I've applied to some, it's the long weekend, of course, so the earliest I'd hear anything is Tuesday. Three more days yet.