Monday, July 15, 2013


I'm struggling.

I'm struggling with food, with exercise, with body image, and yes, I know they're related, but it's a nasty cycle.  At first, it was due to being so busy with school and work, between the two I was around 70 hours per week, which left little time, or energy to do anything, and I think now I've fallen out of the habit.  I try, I'll go for a run, or go to the gym one day and eat well that day (I don't want it to be for nothing after all), but then the next day I blow any good I've done and get busy (or make excuses) and don't exercise again for a week... or more and the whole thing starts all over again.

I yell at myself, pissed off.  While I'm putting the naughty food in my mouth I think "I shouldn't be eating this" but I do it anyway :(  I don't know how to get my motivation back.  I get sad because I don't have what I wanted to have by this point in my life.  Yeah I'm working on it, but there are other things that I really want as well, namely a family of my own, but it doesn't look like this is going to happen any time in the near future either.... so I get more sad, and eat crap to make myself feel better, which actually just makes me feel worse and then I think that I'm going to get fat again and to STOP EATING THAT!!! but it doesn't work.

I did quick start a couple months ago with great success and good results, I thought it would help me to reset my brain and get back on track with eating right, and it did, but not for long, so now I feel lost and helpless, even though I know I'm really the only one who can control what I eat and how much I move, but somehow my brain is stuck.  I don't know how to get it unstuck for more than a few days. :(