I've been away a long time. When I was in Canada for a bit, I was eating nearly perfectly. Excercising when I could and lost weight. I came home looking good and feeling good. Now I feel completely awful. I'm eating crap and hardly moving. I had to suspend my gym membership in March because I didn't have the money for it, I restarted it a couple weeks ago, and have gone twice I think. We have an eliptical in the house, but it's different and I don't like the movement of it.
Basically I'm eating junk and not moving. I'm comfort eating due to some pretty serious depression (I think) and it's not working. I'll feel good for a minute, then feel guilty. There are times when I think, what's the fucking point?? Just eat what you want. Then I feel like crap and my skin's breaking out and I realize I shouldn't be eating so much junk. Then again I need something comforting and it's a vicious circle.
I'm exhausted, dispite having, on most nights about 9 hours sleep, by 1pm I'm ready for a nap.
Part of me wants to get my act together and get back down to my low weight, and another part of me just says fuck it.
Although I haven't gained a LOT, I have probably gained 15-20lbs at least since getting back her in December. My stomach's annoying me, I can feel my theighs are bigger in my work pants, my bra's don't fit properly and in pictures especially I can see it in my face. Near on everyday I think I should get up and go on the eliptical for a little while. Lamely, I tell myself it's hardly worth changing clothes for 15-20 minutes on there, and I just don't.
I'm caught between battling mindsets. Feeling eager to move and eat right one minute and then feeling depressed and needing SOMETHING to make me feel better. I start Uni again next week and I really don't know how I'm going to get through it. I haven't got much concentration. When I start to read, I feel like I'm going to drift off to sleep.
So I'm stuck. I don't know what to do, or how to fix anything. I'm lost in my own head, hardly thinking life's worth any effort at all.
Friday, July 22, 2011
Sunday, July 3, 2011
So I have been eating well and exercising for two weeks now, And I am feeling so good!! It has come back almost like a favourite pair of shoes...Like I never stopped! Need to step up the exercise a little more..but after hitting the gym last week I was SORE!!!! But I still managed to get on my Elliptical during the week. Hit the gym Yesterday...and Going again today...AND tomorrow! CANT WAIT!!!!
In my pursuit of getting fit and healthy again I have been doing some food/recipe forging...I wanted some ideas on good healthy interesting things for breakfast. In this hunt I stumbled upon Oatmeal pancakes. There are SOOOO many recipes out there and after looking around decided to wing it and make up my own.
And of course it follows:
Mel's Oatmeal Pancakes.
3 egg whites
1/2 cup of Oat flour
3 pks of Sweetener
2 tablespoons Self raising Flour
3/4 Cup of Quick oats
3/4 cup of warmed skim milk. ( a couple of Tablespoons reserved )
Vanilla to taste
A dash of Cinnamon
- Combine the Oats( not the flour) with the warm milk and allow to stand. Alternately Combine them the night before and refrigerate over night to soften .
- Beat the egg whites to a stiff peak, adding the sweetener.
- In the bowl with the softened oats combine all the other dry Ingredients combining well.
- Gently Fold the egg whites through. If they are not quiet runny enough...gently stir in a tablespoon at a time of skim milk til slightly runnier.
When combined ladle about 1/4 of mixture per pancake onto a medium-low heated fry pan. ( I used a non stick pan without adding anything to it) you may need too add the spreading to give and even thickness. Be sure to not over heat the pan. They do take longer to cook than regular pancakes hence the lower heat. When They are a nice golden brown flip them over. The second side doesnt take as long and wont be as golden. This recipe made me about 6 pancakes. Which is about 3 serves. (2 pancakes a serve)